Dear Evil Mother,
I grew up with people that told me, that at a certain age, a generation gap would exist between us and that it would be difficult for you to “relate” to me. I grew up with classmates who thought it would be normal to grow apart from their moms. 15 years later and I still come home missing the talks we used to have after school. 15 years later and I still find myself downloading the songs we used to listen to when I was younger because they remind me of you. 15 years later and I still brag about you to my friends whenever I can like some 5 year old. 15 years later and you’re still my best friend.
25 years old and sometimes I feel like I know what I’m doing. Sometimes I feel like what you tell me is a rehash of conversations we’ve had long ago which is why I realized, being with you the past few days, that despite my age, there is something I will always learn from you and there is something you will always be able to teach me. You have always supported my dreams. Despite the fact that very little has changed with what I want to do with my life, there has never been a day where your belief in me has faltered. You have always pushed me to be the best that I can be and because of that I am so close to achieving all that I have hoped for and all that I have dreamed of. I would not be here if it wasn’t for you.
The past weeks have been rough considering how much you had to go through and you cannot begin to imagine the conflict I felt treating other people or assisting other people in the hospital when I couldn’t even take care of my own mom. Despite that, you always understood that I had to go, that I couldn’t stay with you while you were confined because I had duty. Half of the terrible things that happened, you had to face alone while I had to assist people I barely knew with problems that weren’t even half as serious as yours. I’m very sorry, you cannot imagine how terrible it feels. You have always been there by my side regardless of whatever you had on your plate. You would always drop everything for me and I couldn’t even do that for you. I couldn’t even stay with you ’til they took you to surgery because I had to go help a bunch of strangers.
I also learned a lot about compassion. You have always been such a brave and strong woman but even if you look scary, you are also incredibly kind and compassionate when it comes to helping other people. I remember telling you about my patients who were, what seemed to be, hopeless cases and how it brought tears to your eyes. I remember you talked to me about how I should treat my patients. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.
It gets so easy to succumb to the idea that the people I deal with will eventually die. It gets so easy to see your patient as their disease. A mother of 4 could easily become “50/ Female/ Diabetic Foot” or a veteran grandpa becomes “80/ Male/ Chronic Kidney Disease”. I’ve only been on duty for 2 months and I already forget that I’m dealing with people, with lives and that they are not their disease. You make me want to know my patients better. You make me care about them and about their lives and how they live. I will never forget that talk we had because that is what it truly means to be a doctor and it’s too early in the game to lose sight of what really matters. Thank you for reminding me of what I’m really here for.
I look up to you a lot. You may not realize it but I do. I wish I could see people the way you do, filled with compassion. I wish I could be as brave and as strong and as kind as you are. I wish I could be, even half the person you are. I love you so much momma!
It was always you and me when I was growing up, and it’s still you and me, and that will never change.
P.S. Get well soonest! ❤