disappointment

disappointment (noun)

1.the act of disappointing or the state of being disappointed

2.a person, thing, or state of affairs that disappoints

In school, we have this thing called “sexy time”. It’s very seldom for people in my school to have time for anything else but studying, and when that opportunity arises, it’s called “sexy time” and it’s used for whatever you want to do besides studying. Most people use it as a chance to go on dates with their significant others.

Being in a long distance relationship, I almost never have “sexy time”, and when I do, it’s always on skype. I wish me and Elmer could go on skype more often than we can which is almost never and it’s not like I don’t mind because I am very proud of what he’s doing for himself and how responsible he is with his work. I was expecting that I would not have enough time for him considering how busy I am with school, and I was glad that he totally understood that and how he was totally fine with it, but nowadays, it’s the complete opposite. 

I understand how tiring work is for him being an OR nurse, and being a nurse myself, I understand how difficult and unstable the schedule can be and that’s what we try to work around with. I understand that he works 8 hours a day, and I understand that he needs to rest when he comes from work, I understand that he has to help around with his family, I understand that he goes over to my place to help take care of my dogs and I understand that he also needs time for himself when he goes out with his friends and plays DOTA and some time in between all that he finds the time to text me intermittently and only when he has the time or he feels like it. He tells me he tries very hard and this is because he’s tired which I totally understand and I see how hard he tries to make it work. I can feel how hard he tries to make things seem like it’s okay and make me feel like things aren’t falling apart when it feels like my world is crashing down, spiraling mercilessly downwards into unadulterated despair. 

We’ve been planning it for quite some time now. Today was supposed to be “sexy time”. We were supposed to skype today. Something like an online date but the problem is that…well, there were a lot of problems. His internet is screwing up, they lost electricity, they go electricity and internet but by the time I flipped Maximus open they lost internet. Then he asked me if I could wait for a bit ’til he finally got internet. SO I TOLD HIM I COULD WAIT.

then he told me that he thinks PLDT won’t ever get fixed.

then he fell asleep.

while i was waiting.

this is fucked.

 


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