Dear Elmer,

I decided to send you this message because I don’t think I can really say what I want to say through text. It feels like you skim over my messages and don’t really understand, so you just repeat yourself, and sometimes, you’re too busy to read everything, so you just reply to the newer messages.

I’m sorry if my moving here has changed so much between us. Made everything so much more difficult between us. I’m sorry if my education has put such a wide gap between us. Sometimes, it feels more than a physical thing.

I am very proud of everything you have achieved and accomplished for yourself so far. I am very proud of how you have managed to do all the things you usually expect me to do, by yourself. I am so happy at how well you have adjusted and how quickly you have made friends.

I really don’t know how to say this, and it’s difficult to put into words. I really miss you. I think about you at work, and I wonder if you’ve found a replacement for me. I wonder if its the same thing that happened between You, Me and Mae and if it’s happening again between You, Some other girl and Me. I don’t want to be left for someone else and I know how fast feelings change and how the distance can put so much stress between us. I’m not doubting you. I’m just thinking of the possibilities, and those possibilities make me cry. All the time.

I’m sorry if I took you for granted when I first started Med school, and I assumed you’d always understand and you’d always be there for me, regardless of when I texted and what I told you whether early or late. Now that I’m in your shoes, it feels really bad, and I’m sorry if I put you through that. I never really wanted to hurt you. I guess I was just reallly inconsiderate.

Like during all those times, You’d text and I wouldn’t say I was busy, I’d reply hours later and now that it’s happening to me, I feel terrible. The difference is, you managed things so much better than I did. I get mad, and I get emotional, and I have no friends I can talk to about it. I’m just really sorry I put you through that. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.

I was thinking about how things were before recently. How you’d still update me and tell me you were busy and how that has changed and you just leave me hanging and it’s not just when you’re on duty. It’s when you’re home, when you’re in claret. I don’t know what to think but that maybe you’ve lost interest in me.
But that’s also my fault.

These past few days, I’ve been trying to get my act together. I want us to work out. It’ll only be a few weeks before I come home, and I hope you’re happy about it. I’ve been trying to make things work out and be more understanding and nice, but I just really wish things went back to the way they were. I know I overdid it when I got mad when you went out and that I’m always mad. Missing you is not an excuse. SO I’M REALLY SORRY.

I just want you to love me again. the way you did back then.
And hopefully, I want you to stay and not leave. I don’t want to give you a reason to leave.

I’m so sorry this is long. I know youre tired and your eyes are tired

I LOVE YOU.

xoxo, trish

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