Checking Out

I just finished buying my boyfriends’ gift for our 3rd Anniversary when I decided to go to the grocery while waiting for the driver to come and pick me up. I have always enjoyed trips to the grocery. I don’t know where I find the appeal when most people consider it a chore, but whenever I go to the mall, I always end up taking a quick stop at the grocery to look around. Its like my version of rehab window shopping.

I like the colors of the fruit and vegetable selections and the intermingling of smells that come as a cacophony to my nostrils. I like hanging around by the frozen goods and dairy section just to watch my breath come out of my mouth in slender wisps of vapor. I like pushing my cart through various aisles taking in the products as food for my curiosity. I take the time to read labels, nutrition facts, manufacturing dates. Trust me, it takes me ages to finish doing the grocery. I like running my hand through the unwrinkled bags of chips and making a crease or two. I like shaking contrainers, smelling jars and rummaging for things I find interesting.

I like going through the new Marks and Spencer products because I am a die hard fan of their chocolate cookies and their soup, as well as the way everything they make is packaged.

But what I am saying is not a discussion on the fact that going to the grocery is almost just as good as an orgasm. Rather, I enjoy watching the people around me and looking at what they have in their carts. It gives me a sneak peak into the kinds of lives they live, the kind of people they are and the kind of lifestyle they have.  I know it might seem judgmental, HELL it IS judgmental, but I can’t help myself. I’m nosy and I like looking into other people’s Bizniz. (hahaha) I especially like looking into the carts of foreigners. Sometimes I see them with their island souvenirs latched on to one of their arms hoarding a pile of random things into their cart. I like listening to them order meat or fish and sometimes I ask them what they plan on cooking just because I have this intense need to know. I like the fact that they slip past the aisles of soy sauce and liquid seasoning junked with preservatives and they linger in the organic aisles choosing between something with 10% fat but no sugar or 2% fat with additives. I like the way they look lost half the time when they buy local products and end up buying Lucky Me Pancit Canton anyway.

So yes. I stalk people I don’t know when I do the grocery. I like making assumptions about people based on the contents of their cart. I like waiting in line at the counter only because it gives me the privilege to gawk at the carts and baskets of people in front of me while the voice in my head does an internal narrative that goes something like:

“Nido, Jelly Ace, Ben Ten chocolate, Tenderloin strips and Drumsticks, child-friendly fruits like apples and bananas, she must be a mother of 2, probably boys. 6 packs of liners no napkins or tampons, no shaving cream, Nivea Deodorant for women, 6 Pro-Cari Sweat bottles, 3 Gatorade Red Bottles, Laundry Detergent… must be pregnant again, or her other son must be young and she hasn’t menstruated yet, either not married or separated from her husband, must be going on a cleanse, she must gym a lot..”

I know. I’m weird. And I think the worst thoughts. I watched this foreigner unload a ton of chips off his cart with around 20 bottles of water, cookies, pancit canton, soup, and a bunch of other things, I wondered what kind of life he lived considering he was around 50 or older (I can never tell with these foreigners), with a medium to heavy build. He looked very trim and moved quickly while going about his business. I wondered whether he had a store, he had kids, whether he was going on a trip, whether he had fallen in love with Filipino junk food and was going to end up a blob in a few more months or if he had an Island Souvenir waiting for him at home.

My mind was racing as I emptied my cart, which was not even 1/4 full, when for the briefest moment, he looked at me and smiled. Flustered and confused I smiled back. He had someone cart his groceries for him to his car while I was left to pay for my lot.

I looked down and noticed people staring at the counter and I realized that I had emptied the following from my cart:

1. (2) bottles of Tanduay Ice Red Mirage and Blue Illusion

2. (1) pack of Marlboro Greens

3. (1) cricket lighter

4. (1) pack of Marks and Spencer’s Extremely Chocolatey Milk Chocolate Rounds

5. (3) cans of Red Bull and 3 cans of Rockstar

6.  (4) boxes of Durex Condoms

Where the eff did I get all these things?! Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. I paid for everything not knowing how they ended up in my cart in the first place since they had already been swiped and dashed off to the driver.

Minutes later, in the car, I realized why the foreigner must have been smiled at me. God, I must have looked like such a slut. 😐

And that is how I ended up with 4 BOXES of condoms I don’t need, too much Energy drinks, an addition to my collection of lighters, a pack of cigarettes I will not smoke and chocolate cookies Im not going to be able to eat because I’m abstaining.

Note: photos are not mine but lifted of the internet because my phone is being a bitch and is having problems with the cable who used to be her boyfriend but was last seen inside this other iPhone with the hotter case so my phone is jealous. I know, I know. Its complicated.

Oyeah, take me seriously at your own risk.

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2 responses to “Checking Out

  1. OH MY GOD!!!! AHAHAAH How embarrassing!!! Well, I am embarrassed! Hahahahaha For some reason, I don’t have the guts to buy condoms!!! I feel like as soon as I put a box across a counter, all the people in the store are staring at me and making judgments. Four boxes!!! hilarious! :)))

    • HAHAHA! IKR?! I don’t even know where I picked them up. maybe it was sometime when I was skimming through the liquor aisle and I picked up a coupla packs of Durex because I’ve never seen Durex before and prolly dumped them in the cart while stalking some foreigner. 😀 IDK. I think people with kids shouldn’t judge. haha. especially since they’ve already had sex. and i think a person with an actual sexual life should be uhh, NORMAL. :DD hahahaha. but that’s just me. i bet they thought I was some skanky, trashy slut trying to get wasted. haha 😀 that was a pickle for me right there. hahaha! :DD 4 boxes!!!! hahaha. I still have no idea what to do with them so I made them into keychains and cellchains and gave them to my friends 😀

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